Into the Wastelands
by Tory Carmichael
Summary: She screams in her sleep, she begs for him to stop, she wishes for death. Hilary loves Kai with all her heart, but even he doesn't know of her horrific past until it finally returns to haunt her... KaiHil CAUTION CONTAINS RAPE/TORTURE/DEATH etc


_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BEYBLADE OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS.  
CAUTION: THIS STORY INCLUDES GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF RAPE AND TORTURE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THAT KIND OF THING IS UPSETTING TO YOU._

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"Take your clothes off… slowly."

The room was completely lit, offering no veil of comforting darkness for Hilary to wrap herself in. He sat there on the edge of the bed, watching her like a wolf as his friend stood on the other side of the room, holding a video camera and watching her every move. Hilary stared at the floor as she unbuttoned her skirt and let it fall to the floor, a denim puddle around her ankles. She pulled off her singlet and bra and dropped them on the ground beside her.

There were no tears in her eyes, only the cold look of an empty shell. She was completely hollow inside, her soul trapped in an arctic wasteland of harsh biting winds and icy realisation. This was her life. This was her fault. Every nice thing he had ever said to her, every time he ever said he loved her. A lie. She wished she had told her friends of him. Tyson, Max, Ray and Kenny would have listened to her. Even Kai. Maybe if she had told them about him earlier, she would not be there at that moment.

She felt nothing but guilt and shame as she walked over to the bed, stopping in front of him like a servant. He pulled her onto the bed and was over her in a second, gripping her arms with hands as strong as vices.

"Oh Hilary," he whispered, "I wish you could come with me."

He kissed her along the collar bone harshly, biting her with unnecessary force and already leaving bruises, his own personal brand. Hilary winced but said nothing. If she fought, he would punish her. If she said anything against her, he would punish her. It had been like that for over two months, and not one of Hilary's friends even knew she was seeing this man.

She had known from the start people would never approve. He was Martyn Harris, the captain of the school, going on eighteen years of age, and she… she was the outcast in the tenth grade, not even sixteen years old yet. She had had a crush on him from the beginning of the school year. He had caught the bus with her one day in the last days of October, and when they started talking, she felt as though they had a bond. He then asked her out but made her promise to keep their relationship a secret. If people knew, then they would say the relationship was wrong. That an eighteen year old boy who is about to leave for university, should not be dating a school girl who isn't even legal yet.

So, she kept him a secret. From her friends and from her family.

Their relationship was perfect for two weeks. She felt as though she the main character in her own romance film. When he invited her over to his house, she had no idea what was about to happen. She went into his room and he was on her instantly, like a vulture on a mouse. She fought back but he was relentless. She could do nothing but let him have his way, then cry when it was over. The passion was gone, the love gone. He looked down on her like trash and would always say the same thing. If she told anyone, he would make it hurt twice as bad then kill her.

For two months the horrific relationship continued. Two months, she had been dying little by little on the inside, yet still managing to maintain her cheerful façade at school and around her friends. No one saw the hour long showers she took. No one saw the purple bruises that lined her body and thighs. No one saw her cry herself to sleep every night, hoping it was all a bad dream and praying for death.

She looked at Martyn who was now on top of her, a small glimmer of light shining through into her cold and desolate wasteland. Martyn was moving to New Zealand, and there was no way that he could get to her. There was still a problem though. She was still sworn to secrecy. If she uttered a word, his friends would find her and keep her safe until he returned. That was his promise to her.

Hilary could not help a bitter smile though. He was going. She would be free.

TWO YEARS LATER

"I don't get it," Tyson whispered to Hilary and Kai in frustration as they sat in the back of English class, "Why can't these poets just speak English?!"

"This is how they spoke back then," Hilary said simply, "What's not to get? It's simple."

"_Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore'_?" Tyson whispered, "What the fuck man!?"

"The Raven is a piece of literary genius," Hilary hissed, "This poem is easy to understand compared to others. Maybe you should focus more on studying instead of your stupid little beyblade. Neanderthal."

"You're probably going to have to explain half that sentence to him," Kai said quietly, not looking up from his book, "Most of your words held more than one syllable. He won't understand."

"Ha ha ha," Tyson said sarcastically, "You're hilarious Kai!"

Kai shrugged as Hilary smirked. She looked over to Kai, seeing him scribbling on the edge of his desk and barely paying attention to the tutor at the front of the room. It was their first week of university and already he had lost interest in his course. He had even missed the first lecture. She was at least a little happy he bothered turning up to the tutorials. She smiled, he had not changed since high school. She looked down to her lecture notes and read the title.

_Bachelor of Secondary Education and Literature._

It was only by pure luck that Kai and Tyson were in her Literature class. They – claiming that children were nothing but demon's in need of a good caning – opted for degrees in engineering with a minor in English. Tyson struggled, though Kai breezed through his first week with ease. He never asked questions, only gave answers.

"This is bullshit," Tyson whispered, lying down on the table, "How much longer have we got?"

"You know you can leave whenever you want," Hilary snapped, "You don't _have_ to be here. This isn't like school, whether you pass or fail is completely up to you."

"You mean we don't have to be here?" Tyson asked incredulously.

"That's what she said," Kai said quietly.

Tyson shoved his books in his bag and stood up, waving goodbye before he ran out the door. Hilary sighed wearily though Kai paid little attention.

"That moron," she whispered, "He's going to fail his course if he doesn't attend at least eighty percent of the classes!"

Kai shrugged, "I can see him working as a fast food assistant. I recon it would be a fitting career choice for him."

Hilary giggled quietly, "Don't be mean."

The tutor looked at the clock then turned to the rest of the class, clearing his throat. Hilary looked up at him a smiled to herself. Her English Literature tutorial wasn't all that bad. If Kai wasn't eye candy enough, the tutor – Alex McGregor – was young and unbelievably good looking.

"Alright guys, see you next week," he said with a smile. "Try and read the rest of the chapter on Edgar Allan Poe by the next tut. I guarantee it's going to be on the midyear exams."

"Fantastic," Kai said drily as he collected his belongings.

"Do you have any more tut's or lectures today?" Hilary asked as they stepped out of the large room into the hallways.

Kai shrugged, "Probably. Tala will make notes for me if I do."

"Kai…" Hilary frowned, "You can't treat this like school you know. You have to study!"

"Yeah yeah," Kai waved his hand carelessly, "I will. I'm tired today. Home sounds good."

Hilary smiled and nodded, "I have no more classes today. I'll catch the bus back with you."

Kai looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a sympathetic smirk.

"Bus? Have fun with that. I drove."

"You have a car?!" Hilary asked, "Since when?!"

Kai shrugged, "I bought it this week. I'm not really one for public transport."

"Nothing like the smell of body odour on an overcrowded bus," Hilary laughed, "Um, you think you could give me a lift?"

"Spose," Kai said with a teasing smirk, "It'll cost you though."

Hilary sighed, "How much? Or should I just give you candy like Tyson?"

Kai smirked, "You have to go on a date with me."

Hilary stopped suddenly and stared at him. He continued to wear that charming smirk which shone on his picturesque face between the jagged cobalt tattoos. A date? Hilary had been longing to hear those words for years. She had always heard them used on other girls far prettier and skinnier than her, yet now, for Kai to actually be using them on her, surely he was joking around?

"You're kidding right?" she suddenly blurted out without warning.

Kai's smile dropped, "You know a simple 'no' would have sufficed."

"No! I mean, yes! Of course I'll go on a date with you! I meant 'no' just then as in like, you know, saying no to the implication that I would say no and I really meant yes, not no and uh…"

Kai's smile returned as Hilary continued to babble an explanation, not realising that her face was growing redder and redder with every second that passed. He put a hand on her shoulder and she suddenly stopped her seemingly unstoppable word vomit.

"Relax," he said calmly, "Breathe. Let's go."

Hilary took a deep breath and nodded excitedly, muttering a sorry and following him over to his new Toyota Supra, admiring the detail and altered body. She had never imagined Kai as a show off, though his car screamed the exact opposite. She sat in the passenger seat, feeling a little self-conscious as people stared at the car. Kai got in and started it up. He looked over to her as he left the university parking lot and drove away. He put his hand on hers and smiled.

Xxx

"Piece of crap! Get in the hole!"

Hilary winced slightly and bit her bottom lip as she finally pushed her beautiful dangling earring into her pierced ear. She smiled and looked at herself in the mirror, surveying herself. She was not dressed in anything spectacular. Just her black skinny jeans, white low-cut top and black fake-leather jacket which went nicely with her heels. Her smile faded a little, she was still too dressy for just movies but she wanted to impress Kai.

"I say lose the kilo of makeup you have caked on your face," said a female voice from her bed.

"That's the third time you've said that Mariah," Hilary said, "It took me ages to do though!"

"You look better without it!" Mariah sang, her amber eyes watching Hilary closely as she rolled on her friends bed, "Besides that. You don't need to impress Kai! Tell me again, what were you wearing when he asked you out?"

Hilary sighed in embarrassment, "My ratty brown short shorts and singlet that I had slept in that night…"

"And what did your legs look like?" Mariah continued.

"Horrible!" Hilary screamed, "They were atrocious! I'd forgotten to wax that morning!"

"You wax too much anyway," Mariah smirked, "When I saw them yesterday there was like almost no hair!"

"Almost is not the same as no hair Mariah!" Hilary said, pulling her jeans leg up and double checking her smooth legs, "He saw me when I was looking absolutely disgusting! I wasn't even wearing makeup."

Mariah giggled and jumped off the bed, flicking her pink hair around her shoulders and stepping beside Hilary. She took one of the clean wipes from Hilary's dressing table and smirked, slapping it on Hilary's face and rubbing it all over, smudging her makeup completely.

"Mariah!" Hilary shrieked, looking at the damage in her mirror, "What have you done?!"

"I've fixed it!" she said proudly, "Get all that crap off your face, and just go with some eye shadow, blush and lip gloss. Simple yet stylish. Kai will like it and you won't look like a whore."

"I love your eloquent way of describing things," Hilary muttered, cleaning the makeup off her face and following Mariah's instruction to only where eye-shadow, blush and lip gloss.

"It's what I'm here for," she said with a smirk, "Alright. You all set? He should be here soon."

Hilary nodded nervously. Mariah clapped excitedly.

"I can't believe you and Kai are finally going out! How exciting!"

"It's just a date!" Hilary said, "He didn't ask me to go out with him, he asked me on a date!"

"Yeah, yeah," Mariah said with a smirk, "Whatever. Oh yeah,"

She leaned in closer to Hilary with a sly smile on her face. Hilary hesitated but leaned forward, allowing Mariah to whisper in her ear.

"Have you packed condoms?"

"MARIAH!"

Xxx

"I can't believe you sat through that entire movie," Hilary said with a smile as she and Kai walked along the beach, "Did you enjoy any of it?"

Kai yawned, "Nuh. Fuck that director… he should be sacked… That movie was a piece of shit."

Hilary giggled, "You chose it!"

Kai smirked and looked over to Hilary before taking her hand. She blushed and smiled.

"Thank you for taking me out tonight," she whispered. "Even though the movie was awful, I still had a good time."

Kai smiled, "I'll choose something better next time."

Hilary felt as though his words had unleashed a torrent of butterflies in his stomach, "Next time? So we're going out?"

"Is that wrong?"

"No!" Hilary suddenly said frantically, "It's not wrong at all! I'm sorry! J-just when you said 'go on a date' I thought it was a one time thing but if you want to go out like as in girlfriend and boyfriend then sure! I'd love to! I mean, if you want to of course…"

Hilary's words were suddenly cut off as Kai pressed his lips to hers, locking them both in a passionate – and some-what confused on Hilary's part – kiss. Hilary entwined her fingers in his and they stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Kai pulled away slowly and smiled at her, tasting his bottom lip.

"Strawberry?" he asked.

She blushed and nodded sheepishly.

Xxx

"So!"

Hilary jumped slightly as Mariah appeared beside her on the train platform.

"How was last night?! Tell me everything!"

Hilary looked at Mariah with a smile, "He kissed me."

Mariah screamed excitedly, attracting the attention of everyone on the platform.

"Oh my God!" She squealed, "I'm usually not into the whole screaming, bouncing girl thing, but this moment is so worthy of it!"

"He's now my boyfriend!" Hilary added excitedly, "He's taking me out again this weekend!"

"That is awesome Hilz!" Mariah said with a smile as the train approached the station, "Seriously! I love this!"

Their conversation was suddenly cut short by a foreign voice from behind them.

"Excuse me," his voice was dark, "Are you Hilary Tachibana?"

"Not for long," Mariah said proudly as they turned to the speaker, "She's going to be Hilary Hiwatari!"

Hilary stared at the speaker for a moment. His hair was short and dusty brown. He had to be in his early twenties and his eyes were average brown. Hilary froze as terror gripped her. He smiled at her.

"It is you Hilary!" He smirked, "You remember me don't you? I'm Aaron. Marty's friend."

"Marty?" Mariah asked, looking at Hilary, "Who's Marty?"

"Martyn?" Aaron asked, watching the colour drain from Hilary's face, "You remember. Anyway it was good to see you again."

The man walked away, leaving Hilary devastated and Mariah confused.

"Creep," Mariah said quietly, "Oh the train is here! Come on! Huh? Hilary are you alright?"

Hilary nodded, watching as Aaron stepped onto the train further down the platform. She felt sick inside, the anxiety and grief welled in her stomach and bubbled violently – almost at breaking point. She held a hand to her head, desperate to block out the voices, images and memories she knew wanted to escape after their three year entrapment. She looked to Mariah and forced a smile, relieving her worried friend as they stepped onto the train.

"I'm fine," she lied, "Just ready to go home."

"You haven't even gotten to uni yet!" Mariah said incredulously, "So, who was that guy?"

"A friend of someone I went to school with," Hilary said as they sat down in one of the only spare double-seats, "He was a real dickhead and bullied me but I'm over it."

"I'd like to see him do it now!" Mariah grinned, "Kai would hunt him down like a pig!"

Hilary half smiled and nodded to herself.

_That's right… Kai would kill him… Kai will protect me… And no one is stronger than Kai, NO ONE! But… why am I still so terrified?_

FOURTH MONTHS LATER…

"_Take your clothes off… slowly…"_

Kai woke with a start as screams filled his room and tore him from his dreams. He looked to his side and saw Hilary writhing under the covers, her screaming tearing his heart to shreds as her nightmares tore at hers. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into his arms, half shouting into her ear to wake her.

"GET AWAY!" She screamed frantically in her sleep, "PLEASE! DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Hilary! HILARY! Wake up damn it!"

Hilary awoke suddenly and that's when Kai felt her entire body begin to tremble. It was the same routine, the same twisted and agonised dance which had been plaguing her for fourth months now. Every second or third night, he would be woken in the early hours of the morning by Hilary's torment and every time, she would begin to shake, then cry, then say that nothing was wrong. That it was just a bad dream and nothing to worry about. He held her tightly as her small hand gripped his singlet and even her breath shook as it blew from her quivering lips.

"Hilary," he said quietly, putting a hand on her head, "Please… tell me what's going on."

"It was just a bad dream," Hilary whispered brokenly as tears fell from her tormented eyes, "That's all."

"Don't feed me that bullshit again," Kai said harshly, making Hilary flinch, "I know that's a lie Hils. Please! I am begging you!"

Hilary froze in his arms. Kai had never begged her for anything. He never begged anyone for anything. She felt as though her walls and barriers that she had been building for years breaking away and crumbling as Kai held her tighter in his protective embrace.

"Don't carry it inside you Hilary," he whispered, putting his head in the crook of her neck, "Let me in, let me support you, let me help bare your burdens. That's what I'm here for Hilary. I love you, and seeing you like this is killing me."

Hilary choked on her misery as memories flooded through her broken barrier, fresh in her mind as though it had happened mere seconds before. She gripped Kai tighter and shook her head slowly.

"I can't!" she sobbed.

"Why?! Why won't you tell me? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do," she cried, "Kai… I… I can't… You'll hate me… I hate me…"

"I could never hate you Hilary," Kai whispered, "Please… tell me."

Hilary suddenly broke down into sobs. She could not keep lying to him. She could not keep hurting him like this. She pushed him away from her and laid in his lap, trying to find her voice. Trying to find the strength. After almost three years of suppression and denial, her grief, her agony, her pain, her torment… it was all shining in front of her eyes like shards of broken glass holding the memories of what she had done. Of what she once was. The word victim never once intruded upon her thoughts of shame and self hatred. She was at fault and she knew it.

"Hilary…"

Kai's voice entered her mind and even though speaking seemed to be the hardest thing for her to do at that moment in time, she could not stop herself.

"He was my boyfriend…" she sobbed as Kai listened quietly. She got up off his lap and sat in front of him before taking his hand in hers. "His name was Martyn…"

She put his hand under her singlet and pushed it around to her side, just above her kidneys. She knew he felt it when his hand went rigid and he looked at her with shocked and enraged eyes. Under his fingers, he could feel the smooth raised ridge of an old, severe scar. They made a pattern. Two letters.

_MH_

"He marked me," Hilary whispered, lowering her head in shame as the tears trickled down her cheeks and dripped from her bottom lip, "I was… his slave… He beat me… He hurt me Kai… I couldn't escape…"

"Hilary…" she flinched as he basically choked on her name, "He… Did he rape you?"

Hilary burst into tears again and that was all Kai needed as an answer. He seized her and pulled her into his arms, holding her as tight as possible without hurting her as the same words travelled through his mind…

_I'll kill him… I'll kill him… I'll kill him…_

He did not move or speak as Hilary cried uncontrollably. He knew that if he spoke he would scream. If he moved, he would tear the room apart. If he let go of Hilary, then he would run outside to hunt the bastard down, leaving Hilary alone when she clearly needed him the most. Time ran quickly until an hour finally passed and neither of them had moved. Kai finally managed to calm himself down ever so slightly for something else to intrude upon his thoughts of murder.

_She thought I would hate her… She said she hates herself… She thinks it's her fault… She blames herself…_

"Hilary…" Kai was surprised at how calm his voice sounded, at how it did not betray the rage within him that clawed at the back of his throat like a wild beast trying to escape. "It's not your fault…"

"Yes it is!" She cried and the pain which dripped in her voice made the beast within Kai howl in sorrow, "I should have told some one! I said nothing!"

"Hilary," Kai's voice was firmer this time and Hilary stopped, "It is not… your fault… at all."

Hilary clutched him tighter, feeling as vulnerable as she had almost three years ago. Kai took her by the shoulders and pushed her back a little before putting his hands on her cheeks and staring into her eyes.

"Hilary… tell me… what did he do to you?"

He watched at the tears continued to spill over her cheeks. He could not even look into her eyes. The pain and anguish was real, more real than he could ever imagine. Who could have possibly hurt her like this? How could a human being destroy such a beautiful soul? How could someone make Hilary cry? He pressed her to his chest again.

"Please tell me. I will make sure he will never touch you again Hilary."

Hilary believed him. She nodded slowly, trying to stop her sobs long enough to speak.

"He had been perfect… then… when I went over his house… he wanted to have sex. I was fifteen and wasn't ready… he got angry and… and…" she bit her bottom lip until she could taste blood, "He threw me to the floor… and…"

"You don't have to go into detail," Kai whispered, closing his eyes.

Hilary nodded, "He did it again and again… the next day and the next day and everyday for a week… he said if I told anyone… he'd make it hurt worse… and he'd kill me!"

She felt Kai's muscles tense and she knew the anger was flowing through him like lava.

"Then… he got his friends…"

"What…"

Kai's voice was low and dark. Hilary began to trembled again.

"How many?" Kai asked quietly.

"Four…" she whispered.

"WHAT?!"

Hilary flinched away from him. Kai got off the bed and paced, his arms and hand visibly shaking. He looked at her.

"Four?! Did they?!"

Hilary hesitated before nodding shakily. Kai grabbed fistfuls of his two toned hair and roared in rage, throwing the television which sat on the dressing table across the room with one sweep of his left hand. Hilary flinched back and almost yelped in terror. Kai heard her and gritted his teeth. He started for the door when Hilary suddenly jumped off the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him back as her tears soaked into the back of his singlet.

"Hilary… you can't be near me right now… I'm… I'm so angry… I don't want to hurt you…"

"Please…" her voice was less than a squeak, "Don't leave me alone… I beg you…"

Kai hesitated and his hand dropped from the doorknob. He turned around and hugged her back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Hilary laughed bitterly, "Why are you sorry? It's my fault…"

"Don't ever say that again!" he said fiercely, "Ever! It's not your fault! I… I'm going to kill him! For what he did to you… Hilary… I am going to kill him…"

"He's not here Kai," she whispered, "He in New Zealand… another country away. He moved there almost three years ago… That's why I'm free now. He's not coming back…"

_I hope he does… _Kai thought to himself, _Because if he ever does… He'll be coming home to a bullet…_

"Does anyone else know?" Kai asked.

Hilary shook her head slowly and looked at him.

"You need to tell someone, don't you? You need to vent…"

"No I don't," Kai said firmly.

Hilary put a hand to his cheek.

"You can't lie to me Kai. You're not good at it. As long as Mariah doesn't find out, I'll be happy."

"Hilary," Kai pulled her closer to him, "I'm sorry… I should have saw the signs back then… I should have known… I should have helped…"

"You're a famous beyblader Kai," she whispered sadly, "You didn't need to worry about me."

_Martyn timed it perfectly… My friends were too focussed on other things to see I was nothing but a walking corpse._

Xxx

Tala walked beside Kai, feeling incredibly uncomfortable as his friend skulked around the university grounds like an explosive just waiting to be set off. He had looked like that since he arrived that morning. Fierce eyed and white knuckled with an aura that made everyone keep well clear.

"Kai, what happened?"

Kai looked at him before looking away bitterly.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

Kai stopped suddenly and looked around, seeing if anyone was listening to them before he spoke in hushed tones.

"I need my weapons back." He said quietly.

Tala raised his eyebrows, "Really? Why?"

"Because… I'm going to kill someone."

"Who? You'd better tell me exactly what's going on in that head of yours Kai because right now, I'm scared you're gonna start massacring everyone on campus with a pencil."

Kai started hard at Tala for a moment, before finally coming to a decision, "It's Hilary…"

Xxx

Hilary stood on the train platform quietly, feeling agitated and miserable. Mariah was too sick to attend their lecture and Kai had left early that morning for a tutorial. She looked at her watch and sighed as the distant sound of a horn alerted her to the approaching train. She felt someone's presence behind her, so close that he was almost touching her. She gritted her teeth in irritation and whirled around.

"Back off creep! Personal spa-"

Hilary choked on her words as terror gripped her like an iron clasp. The man smiled down at her through emerald green eyes, filled with nothing but malice and cruel intent.

"Aaron told me you cut your hair," he said softly, "Shame, I liked it long. You still smell like strawberries though. I missed you Hilary."

Hilary backed away, feeling her body trembling as she approached the edge of the platform as the train approached the station. The man's smile widened.

"I miss that look in your eyes," he said, stretching his fingers out and letting them travel over her pale cheek, "Tell me, did you miss me babe?"

Hilary stepped back again, her heel on the edge of the platform as the express train sped towards them. The emerald eyes, the dusty blonde-brown hair, the perfect physique and the unbelievably attractive face which had lured her in like a fly to a venus flytrap. Her voice escaped like a disbelieving scream though no louder than half a breathless whisper.

"Martyn…"

_Hello!_

_I know, it's a bit more on the emotionally tragic side this time, a bit of a change from my other stories but meh. Hope you like!_

_xox_


End file.
